he puts the penis in happiness.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
