Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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