Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
