You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
