so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
