I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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