GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
