saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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