there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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