Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
