I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think my tv is drunk
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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