Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
