I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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