didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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