If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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