I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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