dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
