i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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