when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
