dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
