mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
