I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
