I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
