...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
