I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just crazy horny about you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
