I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
