Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
