I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
