I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
