I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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