Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
