Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
