i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
