He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
