i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
