benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
