is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
