So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
