how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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