Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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