I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
