Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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