Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
