Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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