So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
