I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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