Me. At least after what I've been through.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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