chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
