You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
