Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
